


since you've been gone

by peachsneakers



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort, Intrulogical, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23036155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: Remus isn't doing so well.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 67
Kudos: 313





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by CroftersGamer's prompt "I'm feeling angsty Deceit is accepted by the core and he moves to finally have Virgil back. Remus is finally all alone. Someone finds Remus sleeping behind the couch on the core sides living room, hugging a pillow as hard as he can as if it was run away from him. He doesn't want to be alone. He lost his brother, and his two only friends. He's just so lonely."
> 
> song is missio "twisted"

_My mother, she told me_   
_"Don't get in trouble"_   
_My father, he told me_   
_He knew I would_

_My brothers, they told me_   
_"Don't give a damn"_   
_My sister, she told me_   
_To do something good_

He's alone.

Remus bites his lip hard- harder- not stopping until he feels the skin of his bottom lip split open and spill blood down his chin. It hurts, but he relishes the hurt, rocking back and forth, his arms wrapped around his knees.

He knows Deceit doesn't mean to leave him behind. He would do the same if he could. To be accepted by the others- accepted by _Thomas_ \- ~~accepted by Virgil~~ -

It means a lot. And it's important that Deceit be accepted. Thomas needs him. 

But he doesn't need Remus.

No matter what Remus said in his song, no matter what Logan spilled about his role, he knows the others don't see him as important or necessary. He's just the gross, unwanted bits of Creativity. The Creativity nobody needs. They need Roman. Thomas needs his _brother_.

But him? They'd be better off without him at all.

If Deceit was here, he'd stop him. If Deceit was here, Remus wouldn't be sitting in his room in the dark, bumping the back of his head on the wall the harder he rocks, blood running down his chin from his bitten lip. Pain sizzles from his lip, but he ignores it.

He's so lonely. He's so alone. He doesn't like to be alone. It's dark down here, and normally he likes the dark, but this darkness has too much weight to it, too much of something indefinable struggling to writhe in the shadows.

Remus runs a hand through his hair, rumpling the grey-streaked strands. He doesn't think he's washed his hair in days. He can't bring himself to care. If Deceit were here, he would probably make a face and coax Remus to stand up, cajole him into the bathroom with honeyed promises of kraken fights and new cologne drinks.

But Deceit's not here.

He forces himself to his feet anyway, scrubbing off some of the blood with the back of his hand. It gleams dark red on his skin and after a few seconds of resisting the urge, he leans down and licks it. Metal bursts across his tongue and he makes a face.

It's night time. Everyone will be asleep. Perhaps that's what drives him up the rickety staircase, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. He ignores everything but that, ignores the tacky feel of the blood drying on his chin and the ache of the bruises pounded into his ribs this morning when he realized he was all alone, ignores how much his knees ache and the gummy feel of his eyelids.

The door at the top is unlocked. Remus regards it with dozy surprise. He thought they would have locked it by now, to keep him out. That's what they want, isn't it? They want him out. They want him alone.

He turns the knob slowly, more than half expecting Morality or Logic to be on the other side, ready to shove him down the stairs. He wonders if he'll fly down them or hit every one on the way down, listening to his bones snap and crunch on every half-rotted step.

Nothing. The living room is empty, only a faint night light glowing by the kitchen. He can't hear anything. The others must all be in their rooms. Must all be sleeping. Remus chews on his bottom lip before the white hot slash of pain reminds him why that's a terrible idea.

Without even realizing he's doing it, he's eased the door shut behind him. His heart pounds in his chest, so hard he almost expects to look down and see his shirt move. He tiptoes behind the sofa, conjuring up a body pillow and curling up on the floor.

_Just a few minutes,_ he promises himself, soaking in the long-held promise of warmth and the residue of friendship that permeates the room. When he closes his eyes extra tight, he can almost see them all sprawled on and around the couch, blankets askew and popcorn tipped over, gesticulating at the TV screen and laughing at the cheesy bits.

Without meaning to, Remus falls fast asleep, holding onto his pillow like it can replace everyone he's ever cared about.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics are from air traffic controller's "this is love"

_Oh I was hit as a kid_   
_I was good but then I quit_   
_Everyone that tried to fix me_   
_Knows that I can't change a bit_   
_I've got no shame, got no pride_   
_Only skeletons to hide_

"Remus?"

A surprised, familiar voice invades his dreams, making Remus whine low in his throat and curl up tighter around his pillow. That voice shouldn't be anywhere near _him_ anyway. Logic would never come down to the-

"Remus?" Logan repeats. "Why are you on the floor?"

And with a sudden, unpleasant jolt, Remus wakes up and realizes that instead of falling asleep in the musty detritus of his bedroom (he hasn't been motivated to clean since Deceit left), he's sprawled out on the floor in the light sides living room, curled up behind the couch like a pathetic scrap of trash.

"Remus?" Logan says once more, as Remus blinks, getting his bearings. "Are you all right?"

Remus opens his mouth to reply, remembers the tenderness in his bottom lip, and promptly bursts into tears. Alarmed, Logan kneels beside him, one hand hovering over his shoulder like he wants to pat it in comfort, but has no idea what to do.

"What's wrong?" Logan asks. He looks distressed, but not as much as Remus feels. Nothing could equal the tidal wave of Remus's turbulent emotions, crashing over him time and time again.

"I'm sorry," he hiccups. "I just- I didn't mean to fall asleep, I'll go-" He shifts in preparation to stand and now Logan does let his hand land on Remus's shoulder, anchoring him in place.

"You don't have to go," Logan says, serious eyes studying him behind his glasses. "Why were you asleep behind the couch, Remus? You are allowed on the furniture, as far as I am aware." Remus looks down, hugging his pillow tighter to his chest.

"I just- I didn't want to be alone anymore," he confesses, his voice tear-choked. "But- but I am anyway, I've lost my br- well, anyway, I lost Virgil and I lost Deceit and it's just me and there's- there's no one to show my creations anymore or- or hear what it would sound like to fall off a cliff and there's no one to laugh with or hug- not that I need hugs, I don't-" he hastens to assure Logan, though nothing could be farther from the truth.

"You're all alone," Logan breathes, and the truth in his statement hits Remus like a physical blow, making him wince and curl in defensively with his pillow. "Oh, Remus, I- I didn't realize, I'm so sorry-"

"For what?" Remus asks blankly. "It's not your fault. It's just. It's the way it has to be." He shrugs, staring down in his lap. Logan's hand tightens on his shoulder briefly before dropping, taking one of his hands and lacing their fingers together. Logan's skin is warm and Remus clings to it, like the last shivering embers of a dying campfire.

"Why do you say that?" Logan asks, his voice hushed.

"It's simple, isn't it?" Remus asks, cocking his head to one side. "Thomas needs the rest of you. He needs Deceit and Virgil and my brother and you and even Morality." He laughs once, humorlessly. "He doesn't need _me_. I'm just- just some gross trash man with gross thoughts no one wants to hear about. So I belong down there." He motions toward the door blending into the wall. "I just- I got lonely."

"Remus, Thomas does need you," Logan says slowly. "You said it yourself in the video Thomas did with you. If he wants to explore more mature ideas in his content- and I know that he does- then I'm afraid Roman's work alone will not, as they say, cut it. You aren't just a gross trash man. You take pride in your work. I know you do. And if Virgil and Deceit can learn to work with the rest of us, then I have no doubt that you can, too."

"Roman will never go for it," Remus gloomily assures him. He refuses to acknowledge the tiny blossom of warmth, way down deep in his chest, too deep to cut out. It feels suspiciously like hope.

"What Roman chooses to do is his business," Logan says. "But as for me, I fully believe that you are important to Thomas and you belong with the rest of us."

"You do?" Remus asks. Tears prickle his eyes, making him blink rapidly for a few seconds. Logan nods.

"I do," he confirms, then hesitates. "May I- may I hug you? Is that all right? Or would you prefer not-"

"Please!" Remus all but shouts over him. He quiets immediately after, acutely aware that the rest of the sides are sleeping. "Please," he repeats, softer this time.

He melts into Logan's arms, discarding his pillow to one side. Logan's arms enfold him, pouring everything he's been missing into the hug.

Remus doesn't realize he's crying until he looks down at the damp patch on Logan's shirt.

"Sorry," he apologizes, his voice thick. "I uh, got snot on you."

"It washes out," Logan says. "The others should be awake soon. I think that you should be here to meet them, while we make arrangements to move your room. I-" He pauses. "I don't want you to be alone again. I want you to stay? Will you?"

Remus swallows, his throat achingly dry. That suspiciously bright spark of hope flares to life.

"Yes," he says. His voice doesn't even shake. "Yes, I will."


End file.
